Hi guys,
It's currently 11:38pm in the UK as I am posting this but I just wanted to address something which is a daily struggle and talk to you about something which I am considering making a separate blog post on as I think it could benefit a lot of people out there.
As a blogger, you don't typically know a lot about me and who I am and what I get up to, but I am now going to let you know some stuff about me. I am a 16 year old sixth former who is currently studying 4 a-levels which are travel and tourism, health and social care and ICT double and single with the goal of possibly going to university to become a midwife. I work at a race track within the catering and hospitality part of the track and earn £6 an hour which is relatively good pay for a 16 year old as I should only get minimum wage (which stands at around £2-£3 per hour).
But what most of you guys do not know apart from the basics is that I am a long an ongoing sufferer of anxiety and panic attacks. I have had a panic attack tonight and I do feel stupid for having it, but I feel like I've put myself first and I have chosen the right choice for me. I was meant to be working tomorrow, however because where I work at a race track, it means that I am typically all over the place and I am all around the track. And tomorrow I was scheduled to work somewhere that I had NEVER worked before. Now my anxiety and panic attacks are typically triggered when I am around new surroundings and when I am with people who I do not know. This is because I am new to the surroundings and I don't know where everything is and my mind feels as though I am in a threatening place. So obviously tonight, I have been crying and having tiny anxiety attacks and about half an hour ago, I had a full on panic attack.
This panic attack led me to the choice of texting my boss and doing the typical excuse of 'I'm ill' (which I generally am, so technically I am not lying) but I decided to put myself first and I decided that I would rather not earn £60 and not have an anxiety and panic attack, instead of earning £60 and probably getting into work and crying my eyes out and having about 2-3 anxiety and panic attacks. And I know that I am probably missing out as i would've probably been fine and the day would've been a good laugh, however I decided to put my state of mental health first and 'chicken out' as some of you may say.
This does put me in a sticky situation as it does mean that I will only get £50-£60 next month as I did work at the start of May, however it then means that I need to do at least 2-3 shifts in June in order to earn enough money. I am currently saving for my first car and I need to be earning at least £100 a month. I currently have around £175 in my bank so that's not too bad. But obviously me cancelling tomorrow is going to have a big impact on next months money towards the car.
I guess I do feel stupid for cancelling work tomorrow, however at the time I needed to put my mental health first and at the time I know it was the right thing to do and that it was the right thing for my state of mind. And if anyone says that it was the wrong thing to do, then they can shove it where the sun don't shine because I know I've done the right thing for me.
Which brings me onto the purpose of this post. I think I want to make a blog which is dedicated towards anxiety and panic attacks just so that I can help those out there who think that they suffer with what I do and a place where I can document how my anxiety has been and a place where I can answer typical anxiety based questions. I will probably make it tomorrow and end up doing a post on there, but when I have made it, I will give you a link so you can all go and check it out.
This was a long blog post wow! This is probably my longest one to date. Quick teeth update, they are looking fab, looking super straight, I am back at the orthodontist in June to get my bottoms on. Photos will be up soon.
Bye guys
